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Strength in Vulnerability
With Aundrea DeMille
By: Samantha Skelton
Aundrea DeMille believes that empathy is the way forward and I couldn’t agree with her more.
She’s making waves in not only her own community, but in the world, teaching others The Mind Model to heal our biases.
We talked about what led her to be vulnerable on a large platform and how her book, Is It Racism? How to Heal the Human Divide, is bringing people together.
You are an amazing multi-hyphenate. Tell me about your background and what led you to being an author and keynote speaker?
I was raised as an “army brat,” who married an army officer. My husband is white, we have five boys. The older two are black, the younger three are mixed.
I always noticed how I had a great impact in my small circle, but I didn’t realize how I could impact my city, state, and country. I was always in some sort of role as a teacher or coach.
As I started having uncomfortable conversations about certain biases within my sphere of influence, that’s when I realized that my inner circle was loving this. I thought, why not use my skills to help heal the world right now with everything going on? It was more of an evolution.
Was there a specific incident that pushed you to write your book, Is It Racism? How to Heal the Human Divide? What inspired you to take that leap?
This journey really evolved with the murder of George Floyd.
I made a video to share with my friends and family on what it’s like to raise Black and Brown boys in America during this time. The video got twenty thousand views. Governor Cox, Utah’s Governor, got wind of it. His campaign asked if they could stop by and chat.
I was pleasantly surprised that they just wanted to hear what it was like to be both new to Utah and also what it was like for the Black experience living here. They wanted to understand what they could do for the minority population in Utah.
We empathized with each other, we cried, we hugged. We shared a bond and created a friendship that would last forever. Later I learned how my stories impacted Governor Cox, and his administration, his wife and his family.
I thought to myself, if my stories have impacted the state of Utah, then what can it do for the world? I was eventually commissioned to give policy suggestions for women, LGBTQ, and other minorities living in Utah.
I’m also a business owner, and within three years we went from having no home, being laid off, to having a home and running a successful business. Things started falling into place when I leaned into these social justice issues.
What would you say to someone who wants to make an impact too, but they’re timid to step out in any kind of spotlight?
I would tell them that there is strength in vulnerability. Take the courage to step out because you never know how you’re going to impact lives. It’s okay to share some of your own pain and growth because it will help others learn to have empathy.
What’s been the number one thing in your life experience that you feel like helped you to successfully communicate what you wanted to say in this book?
My seven-year-old, one of the mixed boys, came outside while I was sitting on the back patio. It was a Friday afternoon. He had a puppet named The Dominator. He said to me, ‘Dominator said because you’re black you’re not allowed to own a home or own property. Your dark skin reminds people of evilness.’
I was so shocked, but I also knew in my heart he didn’t learn this at home. I grabbed my phone and wanted to document this experience because I knew I couldn’t’ be the only one, the only mother, to experience this.
Our family talks about a few things very openly. He didn’t learn this behavior in our home and yet it’s still so embedded in our systems. That is what gives me the strength.
My own child is learning racial biases outside the home. This gives me the strength to go on and be uncomfortable. I have lost clients, business, and friends, because I am so passionate about standing in my truth and bringing people together. I can see that our system still needs healing, and our children are still learning biases.
In your book you talk about something called The Mind Model and how it can “reseed” people’s conscious minds. Tell me about that.
The Mind Model is the universal laws of attraction backed by science that allows us to wake up to our own unconscious bias.
The first step is to Wake Up to our unconscious bias. Step two is to check your feelings. Sometimes, we feel bias towards someone because of an anecdotal story. Once you can check into your feelings, you can change your feelings to inclusion.
Step three is to reprogram our brains by understanding where our biases come from.
Step four is healing that human divide and making an actionable difference by having uncomfortable conversations, leaning into the fear and having empathy towards others to create unity.
We all have unconscious bias, and we can all heal and come together. We can all share our own vulnerable stories about our biases, even if it’s embarrassing, because people will come together to empathize with you. People will unite.
What’s the biggest takeaway you want people to have after reading your book?
I hope people have the courage to be the pebble in the pond, to push past that fear and uncomfortability to heal the human divide. Sometimes we get overwhelmed and feel that we must change the whole world. We don’t have to change the world, but we can change our lives.
One day I pushed past my own uncomfortability and asked a neighbor in my old neighborhood in Utah, why he has a confederate flag in his garage. He explained his southern pride. I asked him what his black grandchildren would think about that.
I explained my feelings, thanked him for listening to my point of view, gave him a hug, and left.
The next time I drove by, he had taken that flag down and put the American flag up. When you come from a place of love and empathy, you can use the Mind Model to push past the fear and create change.
What else are you working on?
I have a children’s book called Bunny Seeds that releases February 15th. I want to teach children at a younger age how to treat people that are different than them.
You can read more about Aundrea and her book here: TheWakeUpStories.com.
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